Notă de autor: „Spionând” postările de pe Facebook am văzut rugămintea unui distins domn de a face un tutorial despre agățat, și, deși inițial am vrut să-l fac la mișto, m-am gândit că totuși fapte bune nu am săvârșit deloc săptămâna asta; așa că, dragilor, puteți să îmi mulțumiți mai târziu (cash sau card, nu am pretenții).

Având in vedere faptul că ești aici, atent la ceea ce scrie în acest articol după ce ai văzut titlul, pot prespune că tot ce știi tu despre femei e faptul că trebuie să le dai de mâncare ca să nu moară și că există o perioadă pe lună în care nu trebuie să te le superi că mușcă.

Ei bine, fii fără frică tinere invățăcel, eu sunt aici, o reprezentantă a acestei specii necunoscute ție, gata să te introducă în lumea noastră magică, de care ți-a fost prea frică sau de care nu ai reușit să fii apropiat  dintr-un motiv sau altul (respirație nasoală, glume proaste etc), iar dacă ai reușit, ai fost depărtat la fel de repede.

 

Pasul 1:

Asigură-te că miroși bine, bitches love that!

Asigură-te că nu porți o cămașă cu animal print și pantaloni roz sclipicioși (sau alte combinații asemănătoare)! Bitches don’t love that.

 

Pasul 2:

Șterge-ți orice idei preconcepute despre fete în momentul ăsta, deoarece îmi trebuie spațiu să ți le bag pe ale mele!

 

Pasul 3:

Acum că am aranjat ceea ce ține de tine, e timpul să aflăm unde se află aceste ființe care pot fi cucerite de către tine, cu ajutorul șarmului tău.

Contrar așteptărilor tale, nu , colega ta de bancă nu e persoana pe care vrei să practici așa ceva! Prea multe complicații. Dacă o agăți, și din greșeală, îi arăți ce bou ești, de la cine o să mai poți tu să copiezi la franceză?

Nu, pentru agățat contează cel mai mult locul. Și prin asta mă refer la toate cafenelele hipsetrești din Centrul Vechi, la party-urile de la Arene și alte locuri în care se laudă copiii că merg pe ascuns fără să știe ai lor.

Procură-ți un bilet, minte-i pe ai tăi că te duci să dormi la un prieten și să înceapă vânătoarea! Nu uita să îți iei doi, trei tovarăși cu tine… ca să nu pari ultimul singuratic. Singuraticii sunt dubioși și par maniaci, plus că ,,vânătoarea” e mai bună în grup.

Let the agățat games begin! May the deodorant be ever in your favour!

 

Pasul 4:

Odată ajuns acolo trebuie să te uiți să vezi care dintre sutele de tipe cu chestii sclipicioase, mult prea scurte sau decoltate pentru ele, și foarte bune pentru privirea ta, vor să fie agățate.

De ce trebuie să vrea? Fiindcă nu suntem într-un film american, în care să te duci la cea mai inabordabilă, inteligentă și frumoasă tipă și să te ții după ea câteva săptămâni până să îți cadă în brațe. Ești disperat. Vrei ca totul să se întâmple în seara asta așa că te mulțumești și cu una okay la corp și puțin toantă (fața nu te mai interesează, că nu ești pretențios).

Și cum arată fata care vrea? Care, la fel ca tine, pentru asta e acolo?

-În primul rând, dacă o tipă are tocuri înseamnă două lucruri:

a) are prieten și vrea să obțină ceva de la el în seara respectivă;

b) nu are prieten, dar vrea unul;

Dacă e vreun băiețaș pe lângă ea tot timpul care aruncă cu săgeți din priviri tuturor tipilor care trec pe lângă ea, atunci abandonează misiunea. E varianta a (mai sus amintită). Dacă nu, 90% șanse să fie b.

-În al doilea rând, o poţi recunoaşte dacă și peste muzică îi poți auzi glasul. Râde cel mai zgomotos, uitându-se în dreapta și în stânga să vadă dacă atrage sau nu mult dorita atenție.

-În al treilea rând, distinsa domnișoară își mișcă fiecare parte a corpului într-un mod care îți dă impresia că în curând o să se rupă în două, iar cu coada ochiului se uită în jur să vadă dacă e cineva care îi apreciază dansul împerecherii.

Ei bine, tu ești acela! Ăsta e momentul tău.

 

Pasul 5:

Odată ce ai văzut-o, de aici începe partea decisivă. Trebuie să o separi de haită, de grupul ei de prietene, care, dacă ai încerca să mergi mai aproape de prietena lor, ar face tot posibilul să îți strice șansele, așa sunt ele, frustrate că pe ele nu le vrea nimeni, nu că ai avea tu o problemă.

Tot ce trebuie să faci acum e să aștepți. În mod inteligent, desigur. Ia-ți o băutură-n mână, așează-te undeva în raza ei vizuală cu tovarășii tăi și uită-te din când în când în direcția ei. Las-o să te prindă când te uiți la ea.

Dar nu uita: am spus din când în când, nu te holba ca și cum ar fi noul exponat la zoo, fiindcă o să arunce cu banane în tine și o să plece!

Momentul în care o să te vadă uitându-te la ea este momentul decisiv. Dacă o să zâmbească și o să-și întoarcă privirea, ei bine, sfaturile mele te-au ajutat mai mult decât am plănuit.

Dacă își întoarce capul fără să schițeze măcar un zâmbet, nasol, treci la alta sau du-te să plângi în pernă că ești neatrăgător.

Totuși, dacă se aplică prima variantă, de acolo e ușor, ori îi faci semn să se așeze lângă tine și îi iei ceva de băut, ori te mergi tu lângă ea, moment în care, de obicei, o să vină și ea spre tine, astfel misiunea fiind completă; de trecut la următorul nivel, treci singur, că am făcut deja destule pentru tine!

Desigur, tot ceea ce am spus mai sus ar putea fi o mare porcărie și ar putea fi strategia greșită aplicată cui nu trebuie, când nu trebuie, unde nu trebuie, dar nu dispera, mereu va exista camera ta cu patul mereu acolo și jocurile pe calculator, pentru că… să recunoaștem, după ce îți faci de cap la petreceri, tot la ele te întorci, deci de ce să le părăsești din primă instanță?

P.S.:Dacă ești fată și ai citit asta, nu am vrut să te fac să pari doar o bucată de carne; pentru părinții tăi ești mult mai mult de atât!

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